it is scary! committing to this leadership for next year,
i ask our Lord everyday, Lord am I ready for this? am i ready to lead a group into a greater intimacy with you?
as i sit here doing my last minute leadership covenant commitment sheet,
im reading all these things written here and i ask myself,
participating in ALL events, conferences, and weekly meetings.
im thinking, jee thats a lot of driving, lot of time spent moving about when all i want to do is sit here and read my manga, play some dota, and sleep! pretty much wasting my time.
im a LAZY PERSON, but i thank God everyday because this is my challenge.
this is the moment when i say, Lord this is what you are calling me to do, and i dont think im ready for this, but i know you are going to be here guiding me, so show me some amazing stuff this summer so that i can understand more about your heart for my community.
if you have any doubts about next year dont worry bros/sis, summers coming and thats the time Gods giving for our growth
and all i can say is, if we stay faithful in our positions as leaders (even without that name brand title of a “leader”) we are going to be blessed immensely
what a craziness, this is truly a blessing..
this is the question i have in mind as i sit here, meditating, and asking the Spirit for some advice.
if anyone has asked this of God with a sincere, pure heart, *clap clap* be proud of yourself, cause God sees your passion for him.
im not writing this to pass on any judgment, nor am i merely spreading my thoughts..
so back to the question. lot of the times we all believe that whatever we are doing, whether its attending small groups, large groups, prayer meetings, or going to church on sundays and being a good Christian, we strongly believe that we are doing this for God.
sometimes we get so caught up in reading few verses a day, or trying our best to reach out to our neighbors, or keeping ourselves from throwing around vulgar languages, we lose sight of what is really important. i believe that this is end result of us trying do things with our own power.
Jenn Johnson writes in her song, A Little Longer, “what can i do for you beautiful king?” quite astounding isnt it? this is all happening in the midst of the craziness that is her life.
God knows Jenn is constantly overwhelmed by the ministry, and yet God still asks for her to drop everything she has on her plate, and asks her to simply come and be with him. “you dont have to do a thing, just simply be with me, and let those things go, cause they can wait another minute..”
God loves us, 24/7, all year long, so it isnt he who is drifting away from us, it is us who are drifting away. if we truly love God, why are we letting all the “godly work” overwhelm us to a point of stress and frustration?
the writer of [A(pathetic)] Small Group Leader put it well when he said, Love what you do. Love the work we are doing for God, and drop all and kneel before God if we start to see ourselves struggling and stressing over it.
so what can we do for God? simply be with him, and dont put up a wall of “godly work” between us and him. can we stay with him and let him love us a little longer?
description is as follows:
ISFPs can be over-accepting of others and need to be more skeptical at times. Their need to please everyone makes them reluctant to critique any one but themselves. This excessive desire to trust others makes them targets for hurt feelings and disadvantaged relationships. Long-range planning and adherence to policies can be their downfall. When the freedom to act on their instincts is limited, ISFPs become bored, restless, and passively defiant. They are skilled at seeming to comply with regulations while annoying those who cause them distress. If stress continues to build, ISFPs will penalize others through self-degrading behavior. This behavior has the tendency to divert accountability away from themselves and onto others who they blame for their plight. This restores the excitement back into ISFP’s lives while at the same time getting even with their accused oppressors. Rationalizing their responsibilities, stressed-out ISFPs attempt to find their way out of unstimulating circumstances through seeking inappropriate thrills.
description is so harsh, yet so true.. why must I be so eviiiil~ :(
only one thing that was written cheered me up, career possibilities:
teacher: elementary
at least i get to work with the little munchkins :) i sincerely love kids, no pedo intended.
to everyone who sees this picture: im a psychic, i know what you are going to say.
Awww~~~~ :P
It’s been a pretty tough semester so far..
Overwhelmed by all the work load piling on top of even more work.. heh
As for my spiritual life? I feel it slowly draining away, and I can truly say that right now I feel lifeless.
Overload of too much crap that I don’t wanna bother myself with.
It’s not that anyone’s pressuring me, family or friends.
So what is it that’s filling up my mind, my heart?
The only thing I’m in control of at the moment? Nothing really..
Just me, the cold night breeze, and a cigarette between my index and middle finger.
27’s hahaha..
I’ve decided to quit, before the break started, and now this.
So what am I doing right now? Big writing paper due tomorrow. No, wait..
It’s today, due 1:30pm, haven’t started it..
Just looking at it makes me sick, so many questions to fill in, and too many pages I have to read/annotate.
I’m sure everyone’s going through the same thing, so why am I the only one bitching about some work load that I didn’t prepare in advance for?
What’s more amazing is that, last semester, I wouldn’t have cared less.
All I wanted to do was to spend time with my family in Merced, a home away from home, being amongst these people have cheered me up, made me feel at home, and I felt the presence of God almost everyday.
But now, something’s different. I actually worry about school work.
What happened to me? Shouldn’t it be God, then everything else follows?
Blogging about something like this, when I think about it, is cheesy, somewhat pointless, and, for sure, wasting my time, but I can’t help it.
Before the semester started, I guess I pressured myself, to do better, be better, and all that junk. Well.. I failed heh major fail.
I pray that this weekend, God will touch me, change me, and make me whole again.
This weekend, it’s the start, the beginning of my continuing walk, and hopefully the start of a better semester..
I will, this weekend, dedicate myself to Him, and to think about what happened over the long winter break, and change from it.. Hopefully hahah
And I’m up while the dawn is breaking, and my heart is yearning. I should be drinking; instead I’m smoking, sitting, listening, swaying leaves, gentle night breeze.
i thought i knew the basics.
go to church every sunday, drop some money into offering baskets or charity box from the salvation army, obeying your parents, praying, and reading the words, etc. basically all the “good” things you are supposed to do to go to heaven.
like i said, i thought i knew the basics. i mean, how hard can it be, this so called christianity. just be a good samaritan ya?
ive never been a good samaritan of course. i “go to” church every sunday (ditch every service), toss in a bit of chump change or a crumpled up dollar bill (if i have any), listen to my parents? (heck no), never really prayed in my life, never read the word either
but to answer the question, no, its so much more than that.
ive only realized this since i was saved two months ago, and every time i take a good look at myself, i am ashamed, disgusted, and i shudder. its only natural now that ive opened up my eyes and actually saw what kind of person i was.
after every time i go into ungodly websites, lust over women that ive never once met, desire this “love” that cant be found over internet, im left with emptiness; what have i done?
but the worst, and the most amazing thing is that, i go back to it all the time, i repeat the same mistakes over and over again.
one of my mentors once told me, “our sins are forgiven by Jesus, we are dead to sin, sin no longer has power over our lives, but does that mean we can continue with our sinful actions/words? no, its because sin is death, how long do you plan to live in death, when you already know your alive in Christ?”
his words ring in my head every time i sin, every time i take sinful actions. whats the point of me asking for His forgiveness, when the very next day i turn around and go back into my status quo. back into my stagnant life, its a joke basically.
so why do i say stagnant? Francis Chan compares one’s journey to the Kingdom, to a man swimming in a river. life of a man actively pursuing God is that of a man swimming upstream, its hard but he knows theres something amazing waiting for him at the end. then there is me, man slowly drifting downstream. my stagnant life, the so called church going, God loving life, but i dont take actions, im content with what i have, i “serve left-overs to God”.
i totally feel this way whenever i do ungodly things.
being the AB type that i am, i think a lot, im the “rational” type, over thinking just about everything.
after my ungodly adventures, dunno what else to call it, i start thinking, should i bother even praying about it anymore? repent or move on? im already forgiven of my sins, why do i bother repenting? if i were to repent, what do i say? “Oh! God. i did it again!” stupid things like these always come up to mind, and i never know what to do about them.
in all honesty, i have no clue where i am on my walk with God right now. if i truly wanted to follow God, truly just lay down my life for Him, if i truly loved him, why am i so consumed by these earthly things?
for anyone whose still reading this amazingly retardedly long blog, you might feel the same way sometimes. maybe im just making this super boring and long so no one would read it :p before writing this blog i actually got an answer to this question. and you might say the answer is wrong, and that i have a selective hearing, and i only took it to heart because i liked it.
but jee.. blog is indeed way too long, and ill put a different journal entry on this answer, but for anyone who ended up reading this far, think about it. do you truly love Jesus?
apparently life is all about clicks.. that is.. hanging out only with the people you connect with; the ones you dont click with? well those are just acquaintances.
its a life lesson to be learned when you “go out into the real world.” when you realize that everyone out there in the business world, they are your competition. even the ones you click with, still your competition lol.
but is that really the life that we should be leading?
love your neighbor as you love your Lord, haha
go out, meet people, spread the Good News, but ultimately i need to keep this Good News in my heart, or nothing happens
World is your competition, it is your enemy, but i guess you have to love em nonetheless heh.
I’m afraid guys wont like me because of my education. I’m not saying that I’m not smart, but these days…education says a lot about who you are.
I agree. Education either says you like a challenge and want to be named the top of the top by majoring in a packed major such as economics. Or that you are open-minded and not money driven if you major in something such as Asian American studies.
A man should not appreciate you for whether or not you are “educated”. He should appreciate you for your intellect, among many other desirable and necessary qualities. If a man is basing his decision to like you by your education — i.e. where you attend school — you might want to rethink the value of that man himself. Never lower your self image just because a little boy does not know how to truly appreciate an incredible woman who may not meet some extremely ridiculous high standard.
For his information, he may not meet yours.
amen to that
December 20, 2009
dinner date with my brother
with that info on my brother, the story is simple. i dont think ive ever had a godly conversation with my brother.
the whole conversation ended up being:
whens your grade coming out? any hot chicks in your school? any girl friend? any girls your interested in? any parties?
pretty materialistic i suppose. like i said, thats all that he ever asks,
grades, “sex life” (never had any life with an opposite sex, ive told my bro this billion times but i guess hes still curious), drinks lol
